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Sunderland-Polished Draft
5/24/2010 14:13:17

Some good stuff here. Here are some comments:

--Need thesis statment that is clearly set off from other stuff on page. Thesis also needs to clearly identify the revolution, reaction and reform parts of the argument
--You need your name on homepage. Simply "by Jacob T." is fine
--You need a "Website Index" link that links back to
--History of typewriter development is interesting but should be bulleted and brief. Not a long block of text.

-Each page should have:
--meaningful title
--topic sentence that conveys the big idea of that page
--meaningful visuals with captions that indicate the significance of the image
--"Previous to..." and "Next to..." links at the bottom of page so the viewer can experience the webpages in order.

-Overall, too texty. This is not an essay on the computer. A website is primarily visual. Only complete sentences should be thesis statement and page topic sentences. The rest of your writing should be phrases and bulleted. Also, you need more visual component. This is not simply more pictures but rather images that help advance the argument by showing important ideas.

-Reaction page needs more specifics to support general reactions: literary movement, use in business. What important works came out of the literary groundswell that came with the typewriter? What did businesses use typerwriters for and how did typerwriters change business.

-Reform page doesn't seem developed at all. Just one general statement with no development, examples, or visuals.

-There is some redundancy in your website. The distinctions between revolution, reaction and reform are not entirely clear leading to you saying some of the same stuff on each page.

-Process paper needs to be divided into 4 paragraphs. See the handout on formatting process paper. This should be squared away by now.

-Annotated Bib needs to be properly formatted. This is a pain on weebly but I'll give you a couple strategies in class.

Overall, a decent draft. 42/50

6/10/2010 11:43:54

Solid Job, Jacob. Your website is clearly expressed and easy to navigate. The presentation is a bit bland but clearly comprehensible. Your argument has incorporates multiple sectors and perspectives. However, the distinction among the three R's and there relationship to each other is not as sharp as it could be. Overall, a fine job especially given that you were working solo.



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    May 2010



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